so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We are all done wearing pants today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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