umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
