I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
