Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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