The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
