my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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