I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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