my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
