Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
