you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
