i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
