i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
