I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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