everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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