the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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