she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
