i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
