nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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