Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(660): View more from Missouri

i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals

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(250): View more from British Columbia

woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

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(607): View more from New York

his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

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(480): View more from Arizona

My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Toronto

I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

(416): View more from Toronto

That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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(707): View more from California

You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?

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(419): View more from Ohio

Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again

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(850): View more from Florida

I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.

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(205): View more from Alabama

You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.

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