He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did