Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.

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  (270): Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile (270): But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird. http://tfl.nu/vi1s
  Replies (1) Good night (939) Bad night (1070)
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  (949): View more from California

  the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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  (949): the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed. http://tfl.nu/zkih
  Replies (11) Good night (1059) Bad night (2648)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.

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  (319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home. http://tfl.nu/nin0
  Replies (12) Good night (8827) Bad night (1047)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

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  (905): I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings http://tfl.nu/jatg
  Replies (26) Good night (5008) Bad night (1214)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick

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  (901): I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick http://tfl.nu/35jp
  Replies (11) Good night (5083) Bad night (1186)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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  (512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb
  Replies (32) Good night (7577) Bad night (1129)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

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  (218): It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter. http://tfl.nu/rje4
  Replies (20) Good night (903) Bad night (3950)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.

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  (405): He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/m9rk
  Replies (4) Good night (2830) Bad night (682)
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  (310): View more from California

  Can we just ponder our lives for a second.

  (818): View more from California

  No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.

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  (310): Can we just ponder our lives for a second. (818): No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles. http://tfl.nu/vtnc
  Replies (8) Good night (2269) Bad night (985)
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  (916): View more from California

  This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.

  (831): View more from California

  How much did you smoke??

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  (916): This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big. (831): How much did you smoke?? http://tfl.nu/a96z
  Replies (7) Good night (1635) Bad night (738)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.

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  (717): We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes. http://tfl.nu/zq4p
  Replies (5) Good night (2087) Bad night (673)
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  (760): View more from California

  Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box

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  (760): Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box http://tfl.nu/sl6b
  Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (680)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.

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  (978): But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano. http://tfl.nu/s054
  Replies (9) Good night (750) Bad night (541)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.

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  (706): Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices. http://tfl.nu/3jkv
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (320)
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  (631): View more from New York

  And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.

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  (631): And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too. http://tfl.nu/sz5u
  Replies (2) Good night (190) Bad night (585)

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