my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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