is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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