ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

  Fav 7 2560 812

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

  Fav 65 10082 1004

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.

  Fav 18 4274 1248

  share tweet
  

• (574): View more from Indiana

  I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

  Fav 31 1767 5702

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.

  Fav 27 7674 1330

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.

  Fav 6 1743 957

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...

  Fav 8 1895 898

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him

  Fav 1 639 1284

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.

  Fav 3 1312 683

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS

  (845): View more from New York

  Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.

  Fav 8 1284 684

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.

  Fav 0 1014 486

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  You're the only person not starstruck by him

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.

  Fav 1 996 538

  share tweet
  

• (+22): View more from

  I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.

  Fav 1 266 417

  share tweet
  

• (308): View more from Nebraska

  It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.

  Fav 2 50 18

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.

  Fav 0 68 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize