Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??