i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
