He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
