i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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