Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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