I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
