she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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