Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
