is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
