I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
