am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
