1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
