The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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