Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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