you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
