I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
