i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
