She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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