went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just high enough for therapy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
