I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize