I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
