I think I am morally bankrupt
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
