It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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