New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
