My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
