My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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