yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
