drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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