the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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