if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this just has baby written all over it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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