it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
