using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
