you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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