I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.