I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."