Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.