Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂