TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.