You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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