I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
