I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
