Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
