Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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