EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
