That's intense
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
