He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
