His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His nipple licking is glorious
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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