My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
