I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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