it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Less talking, more tequila
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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