it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
