she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
