If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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