some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
