So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
