I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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