I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
